I am very annoyed with the programming executives at ABC Television just now. They introduced a new television program, titled Miracles, as a mid-season replacement. The program was an interesting premise about a group of people who investigate paranormal and "miraculous" occurrences. It was extremely intelligent, well-written, and excellently produced. It starred Skeet Ulrich and Angus MacFadyen, and was supposed to air on Monday nights at 10 P.M. EST. I watched the premier, and thoroughly enjoyed it. Unfortunately, the scheduling department lacked the brains that God gave a mosquito, and saw fit to habitually pre-empt the program with whatever mindless fodder and drivel they wanted, whenever they wanted. The promotional department, also somewhat diminished in mental prowess, determined that it was unnecessary to advertise this program or promote it to any great extent, so no one knew when it would be on, what it was, or who was in it.. As a result of this inconsistent scheduling and promotion, the show was never able to gain a regular viewing audience. ABC cancelled the series after an erratic run of six episodes over an eleven week period, due to poor ratings. I suppose it will be replaced with some cheap-to-produce, low-quality "reality" program. I don't intend to watch ABC to find out. Any network that would sabotage quality programming like Miracles in this way does not deserve this ducky's attention.
To Osama Bin Laden and his band of terrorist cowards: When we come for you, it will be in your best interest to be wearing flame-retardant underwear, because your ass is toast. Have a nice afterlife.
That guy in the blue Hyundai who pulled his car into the crosswalk while I was trying to walk across the street with my little grocery cart. I had to go around the back of him over the curb, and some of my eggs got broken. He had a bumper sticker that said "I Brake for Whatever I Want, So THERE!" Maybe I should mention what he was doing to his nose while he was there, huh? Hey, buddy, pick me out some new shoes while you're sitting there blocking the crosswalk!
The grocery store that is two blocks from my house--they just got bought by another grocery store, so they are changing the name and remodeling the store and raising the prices. Now, I have to pay more money for my beloved Cheez-Its if I can ever figure out where they moved them! And I can't say I'm going shopping at Dave's anymore, I have to say I'm going shopping at Big Pigeon or some silly name like that. I especially don't like those electric gates when you go in and out. They tell you it's a security device, but I secretly think they are X-raying me to make sure I don't have any money left when I leave
Jerry Springer--There are some things in life that any self-respecting person should be intelligent and tactful enough to keep private. And those people who are not tactful or intelligent enough are invited to be guests on his television show, where they can punch each other in the face, scream slanderous obscenities at each other, and morally degrade themselves in front of millions of people, all in the name of entertainment. I have trouble deciding which is more frightening--the idea that there are people with so little self-respect that they could behave like that, or the idea that there are people that find it entertaining? Jerry defends his show by citing freedom of speech. There is also freedom of choice, and I choose not to see that sort of junk in my living room every day.
The people who make Chef Boyardee Ravioli in a can--they changed the recipe on one of my favorite foods, and now it just doesn't taste so good anymore. I just hate when they try to improve things that didn't need improving in the first place.
The public transportation system--Only three weeks after I moved to the fabulous Duck Pond, they changed all the routes and schedules so that I am unable to get to work, causing me to have to find another job. RTA claims that these changes are more efficient and provide greater service. What this means is, they are using the money they will save to buy important things, like more chewing gum wads to put on the seats
The people who send me "special offers" that are "just for me"--I am not necessarily against advertising, but last week, I got a special offer to purchase an athletic supporter and get a terriffic pocket screw driver set absolutely free. Now, that was a really dumb offer. I already have a pocket screw driver set! So, I daintily adjusted my skirt, sat down and sent them a letter to find out if they have a special offer I can use, like maybe buy a bottle opener and get a 1999 Lincoln Continental absolutely free, since I am not athletic enough to need any support.
Telemarketing people who leave recorded messages when they call you. This makes it almost impossible to tell them how much they have really annoyed me, so I usually wait for the beep and then simply set the phone down next to the bird cage and convince my birdies to whistle "Popeye the Sailor Man" into the phone for about five minutes.
