After many months of staying home and playing with the stove at the Fabulous Duck Pond Estate, I decided one night that I didn't feel like cooking my own dinner. Of course, I still wanted to eat the dinner, which is one of your three most important meals of the day. I thought long and hard about this dilemma, maybe fifteen minutes, when the solution suddenly popped right into my head! I could go to a restaraunt, and they would cook the dinner for me, and then I could eat it! I chuckled in anticipation of this, my next glorious adventure. Of course, to go to a restaraunt, you have to be prepared. For one thing, they don't like it when you don't wear clothes, so you have to wear clothing that is both comfortable and socially acceptable. I raced to my closet to search for just the right clothes. It is very important that you find clothes in your own closet, because if you try to find clothes in the neighbors' closets, they sometimes call the police. I looked through my vast wardrobe of four or five outfits, then selected the one that didn't need to be ironed. There was a dangerous part that involved the zipper, but I managed to dress myself without really pinching too much. Now, properly attired, I was ready to dine in style. I then moved on to the very important business of selecting a restaraunt. I picked up the magic book with the pretty yellow pages, and looked carefully in the pages that said "Restaraunts." It is very important when choosing a restaraunt that you find one with food that you like. Fortunately, I am not a picky Ducky, so I was able to find a large variety of restaraunts. I decided on the one called "Mom's Family Restaraunt," because I thought that it sounded more friendly than the one called "Radiation Ron's Barbeque/Air Conditioning Repair." I carefully checked the address. This is very important, because if you have the wrong address you could end up trying to eat dinner at a hardware store, and they don't have much of a selection of food there. I made sure I had some money in my purse, put on my coat, and headed down the street, whistling a happy tune. I think it might have been Meat Loaf's "Bat Out Of Hell," or maybe something from "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs," but I don't remember now.

I soon arrived at the restaraunt, and went in through the front door. They have a back door, but they don't let the customers go that way, because they keep all the stoves and pots and pans and dangerous utensils back there, and they don't want us to hurt ourselves. Pleased that they were concerned for my safety, I waited patiently for the hostess to find just the right table for me. She was obviously very good at her job, as she even took the extra time to research the table location in her "People" magazine. She led me to a very nice table right next to the kitchen door, which was obviously one of the better tables, since it was so close to the food that I would soon be eating. She handed me a menu so that I could study the many delicious selections, then she went away to study her magazine some more. I noticed immediately that this menu had many food samples on it, probably put there so that I would be better able to decide which food I wanted. I personally think these "scratch and sniff" menus are a great idea, though the scent didn't really do justice to the actual taste of the food. After about twenty minutes, the waitress came and asked if I would like a beverage, so I asked for coffee. She brought this to me in about ten minutes, and she had taken the extra effort to make sure it was not really hot so that it wouldn't burn me. It was very strong coffee, and I suspect that this is because it was some kind of European coffee, as they drink it really strong there. I put in a lot of cream and sweetener, which they had in little dishes on the table. The waitress then asked me if I was ready to order my meal. There were so many interesting choices, but I decided on the "Mom's Home-Cooked Meat Loaf" dinner. This dinner came complete with a choice of soup or salad, the meat loaf, some potatoes cooked the way I want them, and the vegetable of the day, which the waitress told me was corn. I could also get a delicious rice pudding for dessert for only $1.50 more, so I decided to have that, too. The waitress carefully wrote all of this down in waitress code on her little notebook, then went into the kitchen to have them cook it for me. While she was gone, I amused myself by looking at the pictures on the walls for a little while. They had some really fine art there. One of the pictures was maybe Picasso, only it was hard to tell because someone had spilled some spaghetti or something on it. It was hard to tell exactly what it was because the lights were not really bright. This is done in finer restaraunts to give "ambiance," which is a French word. I think it means "don't put the lights on too bright."

The food took a really long time to cook, and the waitress brought my salad for me while I waited. She also brought me some bread and butter, and gave me more of the strong European coffee. I ate the salad with great gusto, which was probably best, since they didn't put salad dressing on it, and I had to eat it with something. I think they probably realized that salad dressing is loaded with fat and empty calories, and they left it off because they wanted to make sure I was eating a healthy salad. This was very nice of them. I also tried to eat some of the bread, but I think it was maybe Hungarian style, because it had some sort of green parsley or something sprinkled all over the crust, and didn't taste like regular bread, so I didn't like it very much. When my "Mom's Home-Made Meat Loaf Dinner" arrived, I put my napkin in my lap and prepared to enjoy this delicious dinner. Putting the napkin in the lap is very important in a restaraunt, because it shows the other customers that you have manners. It is also helpful in keeping the gravy and crumbs off your clothes. The first thing I noticed was that the meat loaf was not extremely hot. This indicated to me that "Mom's Home-Made Meat Loaf" was actually cooked at Mom's home, then brought here just for me! It also explained why it took them 45 minutes to cook it, some of it was travel time from Mom's house to my table. They put lots of gravy on my mashed potatoes, which is really the best kind of potato to have with meat loaf. I also saw that the vegetable was actually peas instead of corn, which delighted me, because I like peas. I immediately began to play with my food, and used the potatoes to make a little mashed potato snowman on my plate. I used the peas to make little snowman eyes and nose and mouth, then dribbled the gravy on the little snowman belly to make buttons. I cut the meat loaf up in pieces so my snowman could have a hat, then I put the parsley garnish on the top of the hat so it would look festive. I have always felt that is important to eat creatively, so you don't get bored. Once my little snowman was complete, I pretended that I was a huge monster and that the snowman was begging for his life. After that, I took my fork and scooped his little snowman head off and swallowed it right down. I continued eating the rest of my dinner until one of the other customers suddenly ran across the restaraunt and into the restroom. He looked like he wasn't feeling well, and he was making really disgusting noises. This kind of made me not hungry anymore. I don't think people who are not feeling well should go to restaraunts, because all that rich restaraunt food is probably not good for a sick person.

Shortly after the ambulance came and took away the sick person, the waitress came to my table and brought along my dessert. I told her I wasn't really hungry now, and asked for a doggie bag. I don't actually have a dog, but I get the doggie bag anyway, because then they give you the rest of your food to take home, and it makes good snacks later. My waitress brought me a little styrofoam carton to put my dessert in. I didn't want to mix it up with the rest of my snowman, and he was mostly eaten up, anyway, so I decided not to take that part home with me. The waitress took away the dirty dishes, which is another nice thing about going to a restaraunt. You don't even have to wash your own dishes later, they will do it for you. This is a great convenience, especially since Mr. Goldfish is living in my kitchen sink right now until I get him a new bowl to live in. He doesn't like it when I was the dishes in his temporary home. The waitress brought me the bill for my dinner shortly after, and I very carefully pretended to read the waitress code that she used to figure it all up. This is very important, because if they think you can't read the waitress code, they will try to charge you for extra things, like plumbing and boats. The total was $11.95, so I knew they didn't charge me for any boats this time. Of course, the $11.95 was only for the actual food I had eaten. This total does not include the money that you give for the "tip." The "tip" is some extra money that you give to your waitress so that you can come back to the restaraunt and eat again. If you don't give the "tip," the next time you come, they will make you wait two hours for a table with a wobbly leg, and then the waitress will spill food on you and give you baked potatoes when you want mashed potatoes, and she will never say "enjoy your meal" to you ever again. So, it is very important to give the "tip." How much you give for the "tip" depends on how nice the waitress was. If she didn't spit on your food or call you "Porky," you should give her at least fifteen percent of the total bill. This is called a "standard tip," and should allow you to go to that restaraunt again. If you know the waitress personally, you should give her more money, maybe as much as the price of the whole bill. This will insure that she will still be friends with you later. If she flirts with your boyfriend and he ends up going home with her, then this is a default "tip" and you don't have to give her any money at all. Once you have paid the bill and given the waitress the "tip," you are allowed to go home. And this is exactly what I did after I went to the restaraunt. I ate the delicious rice pudding later that night while I watched "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." It was a nice way to spend the evening, and I didn't have to take any dishes out of my cabinets. I would recommend this adventure for just about everybody!